12-61 Male dentist
ale dentists are the only men in our society who can routinely tell women to shut their mouths and not be slapped for telling them.


12-62 Medicare coverage
he phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello, Mrs. Sanders, please."
"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to our lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."



12-63 Virgin birth
mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Give me a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"
The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl, and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"



12-64 Lawyer & doctor
hat's the difference between a lawyer and a doctor?
When a case is over, the lawyer asks himself, "Did I leave anything out?" and the doctor asks himself, "Did I leave anything in?"

仕事が終わった時、弁護士は「何か論旨を抜かしたり(leave out)、言い忘れたことはなかっただろうか?」と自問するが、医者は「何か患者の身体の中に置き忘れた(leave in)ものはなかっただろうか?」と自問する。

12-65 Pay or what?
he man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months.
The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why she doesn't want to have sex with her husband any more.

 "For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'Are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what.' That makes me late to work and the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this
time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more with my husband."
The doctor thinks for a second.
"So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"



12-66 Heaven
man was taken into an emergency hospital after he was involved in a horrible traffic accident.
Ten days later, he woke up in the intensive care unit of the hospital.
"Where am I? Am I in heaven? There are angels!" he muttered in his wane state.
His wife at his bedside said, "No, darling, they are nurses."
"There's an old man with white beard. He must be God. I am in heaven, am I not?" the man said.
"No, darling, he is a doctor. Get ahold of yourself! You're alive. Wake up! You're not in heaven!" the wife shouted. "Oh my God! Yes, I'm not in heaven, because I can hear your voice. Are you here? That means we are in hell!"


12-67 Feeling guilty
ne morning Dr. Smith has sex with one of his patients and he feels terribly guilty about it al day long.
No matter how much he tries not to think about it, he can't get out of his mind.
At times, it seems like his feelings of guilt and betrayal will overwhelm him.
But every now and then he hears a calming voice within, trying to soothe and reassure him.
The voice says, "Doctor, you're making too much of this. You're not the only doctor to have sex with one of his patients and you certainly won't be the last. You're single. You're free to do what you want. Relax. Don't worry about it."
Then that other voice always chimes in, bringing him back to reality, "But Doctor, you're a veterinarian…."



12-68 Doctor's Vocabulary
#1. When the doctor says "One of several things could cause your symptoms," he means "I haven't the foggiest idea what's wrong with you."
#2. When the doctor says: "I'd like to run that last test over," he means "The lab lost your sample."
#3. When the doctor says "This prescription has a few side effects," he means "You may experience sudden hair growth on your palms."
#4. When the doctor says "Your insurance should cover most of this case," he means "You'll have to sell your house to cover the rest."
#5. When the doctor says "Let's go over your symptoms once more," he means "I can't remember who you are."
#6. When the doctor says "We'll just remove this ingrown toenail," he e means "A cane and orthopedic shoes should help."
#1. 医者が「いくつかの考えられる要素のひとつが、きっとこの病状の原因となっていると思います」と言う時は、「何が原因であなたの病気を起こしているのか、サッパリわからないんですよ」ということです。
#2. 医者が「前回の検査ですが、もう一度再検査する必要があります」、と言う時は、「検査機関があなたの検査標本をなくしてしまたんですよ」ということです。
#3. 医者が「この処方薬は少し副作用があります」と言う時は、「突然あなたの掌に毛が生えてくるかも知れません」ということです。
#4. 医者が「あなたの保険でこのケースの費用大部分はカバー出来ます」と言う時は、「残りの費用を払うために、家を売らなければならなくなるでしょう」ということです。
#5. 医者が「もう一度この症状について詳しく検討してみましょう」と言う時は、「あなたが患者のどなたかを思い出せないんですよ」ということです。
#6. 医者が「肉に食い込んでしまった人工留め具を取り外しましょう」と言う時は、「杖と義足が必要になりますよ」ということです。

12-69 Same position
pregnant woman asked the obstetrician, "Doctor, what should I do if I start delivering the baby before I get to the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Just get in the same position you were in when you conceived. And let nature take its course."
She asked puzzlingly, "You mean taking a doggie style in the back sheet of our Volkswagen?"



12-70 Encore!
famous surgeon at a university hospital performed a brain surgery in front of seven medical intern students.
When the patient came to, he was shocked that his abdomen had been somehow operated on.
He asked the surgeon, "Doctor, why did you operate on my belly? I never asked you to do so."
The surgeon scratched his head and said, "Well, I did the brain surgery so perfectly that the interns applauded and cried out, 'Encore! Encore!"…."