|16-11 Parachute & condom
What's the difference between a parachute and a condom?
When a parachute fails, somebody dies and when a condom fails, somebody is born.
Three priests wanted to buy train tickets to Pittsburgh at a railway station.
The young girl selling tickets was very pretty and endowed with a large, shapely set of breasts.
Every time she bent forward, her great mammary displayed through her T-shirt.
The youngest priest approached the ticket booth and said, " Miss, please ive me three tits to Tittsville."
"How dare you say?" remonstrated the girl.
The second priest stammered, "L, let me handle this, Miss. Three pickets to Tittsburgh and give me the change in nipples and dimes."
"I beg your pardon?" said the angry girl.
The third priest, the eldest of the three, tried to calm her down.
"Three tickets to Pittsburgh, please. But you should dress more decorously, young woman, or St. Finger is going to point his Peter at you!"
最後の年長の神父は"St. Peter is going to point his finger at you !"と言いたかったのに、
|16-13 Lopsided breast
A woman goes to the doctor.
As he examines her, he says, "Ma'am, I can't belive my eyes. Your right breast is three times as big as your left."
She says, " My husband loves to sleep with one of them in his mouth."
The doctor says, "I sleep with my wife the same way, but hers are normal."
The woman says, "I guess you don't have twin beds."
|16-14 Three types of Bras
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains.
He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said . "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?"
"Look Around," said the sales lady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three type s of bras," replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
針小棒大(make a mountain out of a mole)な言い方をするバプテスト派タイプは「小さい乳を大きく見せる」タイプです、
What do menstruation and a salary have in common?
You wait for it for a month, but it only lasts three days.
|16-16 Bite your breasts
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars? "
"Are you nuts? " she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah," he replies. "It costs too much."
|16-17 Cure baldness
A man with rapidly thinning hair goes into his regular barber shop and sits down for his haircut.
Looking at the shiny dome of the barber, the man feels a certain kinship and says, "I bet you wish as much as I do that there could be an instant cure for baldness."
The barber looks around lowers his voice, leans in close to the man and says, "Actually, I have discovered a cure. The best thing to cure baldness is ummm….er…shall we say, "female juice"
The guy looks up at the barber and exclaims, "But you're as bald as a cue ball!"
"Yeah," replies the barber, "but you've got to admit I have got a helluva mustache!"
This little boy is riding his bike around the house as his mother is washing the windows on the second floor.
The little boy looks up and says, "Mommy what is that?"
The mother, thinking, "Oh my, I forgot to put on my panties" and she replies, "Oh, that is just my sponge"
The little boy is happy with that answer and continues riding around the house.
The mother in the meantime puts on her panties.
The little boy returns and says: "Mommy what happened to your sponge?"
The mother replies, "Oh, I lost it" the mother laughs and continues to wash the windows as the little boy rides his bike.
The little boy returns and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found your sponge."
The mother, confused, forgetting about what she said, remembers. "Yes, my dear, and where did you find my sponge?"
The little boy loudly replies, "The lady next door is washing Daddy's face with it!"
|16-19 Grass growing on a competition
A man picked up a young woman and took her to a motel.
After finishing making love, he looked down on her and shouted, "My dear, you don't have any hair on your pussy. Why?"
She answered, "Did you ever see grass growing on a competiti on track?"
|16-20 Wiggle your itchy ear
A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male / female issues.
They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc.
The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up.
So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions.
The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point.
Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman count ered.
"Think about this - When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?