18-1 Neutered
lonely woman is walking her faithful dog along a beach.
She finds an old lamp on the sand. She picks it up and tries to rub the sand off.
A genie jumps out and says he will grant her three wishes.
"Well, I hope I can always use money", she says and 'Poof" her pockets are filled with solid gold coins.
"I want to be a beautiful princess." 'Poof" She becomes a radiant beauty.
"One more." says the genie.
The girl looks down at her trusty canine companion and requests that he be made into a handsome prince.
'Poof" a gorgeous young man stands before her.
The genie vanishes, the prince kisses her hand, looks deep into her eyes and says, "now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
「そして美しい王女様になりたいわ」 "パッ"、あら不思議、彼女は光り輝く美女になった。

18-2 Muneo Suzuki
he notorious lawmaker Muneo Suzuki was walking along the beach with a heavy heart when he came across a strange bottle.
Muneo opened the bottle,and POOF! a genie appeared.
The genie said, "I am so happy to be free. I'll grant you three wishes."
Muneo glared at him and said, "Are you sure? If so, do it righ t now! Otherwise I'll stuff you back in the bottle again!"
"Mind what you're saying. Don't threaten me," the genie was a bit miffed.
Muneo went on and on. "First, delete all the Foreign Ministry documents which are disadvantageous to me. Then, cast out Makiko Tanaka, the former Foreign Minister, from the Diet building! Next, fill the bathtub with caviar and champagne! And fire all the public prosecutor's office officials! And..."
"Hold on! Remember, I said 'only three wishes.' Right? Okay, I'll grant you your first three wishes." The genie paused.
"But why are you weeping now?"
Muneo sobbed out, "Only three months ago, I…I could have done all those things without your help!" (weeping)

 悪名高い衆議院議員鈴木宗男がションボリと海岸を歩いていると、奇妙なビンをみつけた 。
「ほんとか? じゃあ早く叶えてみろ。できなかったらビンに戻すぞ!」
構わずにまくしたてるムネオ先生。「じゃあ外務省にある俺に都合の悪い文書を抹消してくれ。それと田中真紀子前外相を 議員辞職させてくれ。それから風呂桶をキャビアとシャンペンで一杯にしてくれ。それ

18-3 No work
government employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.
"This will look nice on my mantle piece," he decides, and takes it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes.
"I wish for an ice cold beer right now!"
He gets his beer and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish.
"I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside."
Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish.
"I wish I'd never have to work ever again."
POOF! He's back in his government office.

ピュッ!彼は役所の自分 の部屋に戻ってしまいましたとさ。


18-4 Snake charmer
t was spring in the old west.
A cowboy rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.
As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.
The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.
"Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."
The cowboy decided to take a chance.
He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range.
He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this horse I'm riding."
The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the house you'll have all three wishes."
The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the house.
He dismounted and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable.
He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger's.
Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "My God, I was riding the mare!"

カウボーイの馬が狭い獣道に足を踏み入れた時、 一匹のガラガラ蛇が春の陽射しを楽しんでいた。
馬から降り、真っ直ぐに家の中の鏡に向かうと、そこにはクラーク・ゲーブルの顔が映ってい た。
急いでシャツを脱ぎ捨てると、アーノルド・シュワツルツネッガーのような盛り上 がって躍動する筋肉が全身についていた。
「しまった!俺は雌馬に乗っていたんだ! 」


18-5 Donate a kidney
 A man found an old lamp and rubbed it.
A genie popped out of it and said, "I will grant your three wishes. But remember, every politician in the world gets twice as much as you wish for."
The man said, "All right. I wish I had a million bucks."
A big pile of cash appeared in front of him and the genie said, "Now, every politician has two million."
The man said, "Never mind. I want a sports car, HONDA NSX."
A white NSX appeared in front of him and the genie said, "Now, every politician has two of it."
The man said, "Never mind. Well, you know, I have always wanted to donate a kidney..."



18-6 Tampon
black drunk rummaging through a garbage can found an old lamp.
As he rubbed it, it emitted smoke and, sure enough, a genie appeared.
"Hot dog! I know I get three wishes," the guy exclaimed.
"No, you don't. I can only give you two wishes," the genie said.
"Two? You jive-ass motherfucker!" roared the drunk.
"I know this shit works. You gotta me three, honky shithead!"
The genie glared at him asking, "Listen, man, you want wishes or not?"
The black guy grumbled and swore, but finally he said, "All right, turdface, two wishes. I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by pussy all the time."
"Your wishes are granted," the genie said."Poof! You're a tampon."


jive-ass =いかさまの尻→はったり野郎
motherfucker =母親とセックスする奴→とんでもない奴
shithead =うんこ並の頭→ど阿呆、たわけ者
turdface =うんこまみれの顔→糞ったれ野郎

18-7 Blonde Genie
white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear and tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wi shes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women.
He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet... He looks down and... the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there is a knock at the door.
He answers the door and standing there are two people dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead.
The Klansmen walk off.
As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, "I don't get it... I can understand the first wish, having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But... WHY he'd want to be hung like a black man is beyond me..."

次にドアをノックする音が聞 こえた。

"to be hung like a black man"
"to be hanged like a black man"(=黒人の様に首吊りにして欲しい)と勘違いしたのです。

18-8 Fill it up with water
hree guys, a Canadian, an Iraqi and an Israeli are out walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Canada is forever made fertile for farming.
The Iraqi is amazed, so he says, "I want a wall around Iraq, so that no infidels and Jews can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there is a huge wall around Iraq.
The Israeli asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out."
The Israeli says, "Fill it up with water."

カナダ人は「僕は農民なんだ。父も農民だし、僕の息子も農業をやっている。だから僕はカナダの土地は未来永劫豊かな実り多い大地であってほしい 」と言った。
ランプの精がウインクをすると、ボムッ!カナダの土地は未来永劫豊かな 実り多い大地になった。
再びランプの精がウインクをすると、ボムッ!イラクの国境にそって壁 が出現した。イスラエル人はこう尋ねた。

凄い発想 です。\(>o<)/

18-9 12-inch pianist
man entered with a large suitcase and walked into a talent agent office.
He opened it and popped out a midget who promptly began to play beautiful songs on the piano.
"This is incredible! Where did you get such an incredible one? What's the story?" the agent demanded to know.
"It's like this. I found a bottle on the beach and when I opened it, there was a Genie who said he would grant me only one wish because he had become old and feeble after too many centuries in the bottle. And this stupid, half-deaf old Genie thought I wished for a 12 -inch PIANIST."


耳が遠いGenieはPENIS をPIANISTと聞き間違えたのです。

18-10 Peace in Middle East
guy is walking along the beach when he trips over a bottle and a genie comes out.
"Thank you. I've been stuck in that bottle for centuries. I'll tell you what. I'll give you one wish. Anything you want," the genie says.
The guy pulls out a map of the Middle East and says, "Could you bring peace to this part of the world?"
The genie replies, "Gee, I don't know. They were fighting there hundreds of years before I was even trapped in the bottle. Haven't you got another wish?"
The guy says, "Well, could you make it once a month my wife volunt arily gives me a blow job?"
The genie says, "Let me see that map again."