「コウノトリが 運んで来たんだよ」と父親が答えると、
小学校の授業中にいつも先生を困らせる質問をするLittle Johnnyは、Kids (子供)Jokesのスターです。


49-111 Close shave
ittle Willie asked his mother, "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?"
"Of course they do!" protested his mother.
"What makes you ask?"
"There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards."
"Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."

「あぁ、そう思っていたの。天国に行く殆どの兵隊さんたちはね、そこで髭をきれいに剃ってもらう(get close shave)からよ」

close shaveは、 I had a close shave when a tree suddenly fell where I was standing.

49-112 To be a minister
fter Sunday Church morning, Little Johnny suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."
"That's wonderful!" Little Johnny's mother was pleased.
"But what made you decide to be a minister?"
"Well," Little Johnny replied, "If I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen."


49-113 Spiders
father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to see what had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs"
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden!



49-114 Car and garage
little boy and girl are in a bathtub, and are naked because they are too little too understand anything like that.
The girl and boy ask each other: "What's that?" and they both reply: "I'll ask my parents."
So the boy goes home and asks his dad what it is.
The dad looks solemnly at him and says: "Son, that's your car. You park it in a girl's garage."
The girl goes home and says: "what's that?"
The mother says: "That's your garage. Don't let any boy park his car in it."
The next day they are again in the tub.
The boy says it's a car and remembers what his dad said.
So he begins to put it in the girls "garage".
But then the girl remembers what her mom said.
5 minutes later, the girl comes back crying to the mom.
The mother asks her what was wrong and she said: "Mommy, a boy tried to put his car in my garage, but I punctured his two back tires. He screamed."


49-115 Moral of the story
teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Karl said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying chooks. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.

 Next little Emilie raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chooks for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is: 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."
"That was a fine story Emilie. Mick, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes. My dad told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was 3 bottles of rum, a machine gun and a machete. She drank all the rum on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

 "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your father tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the fuck away from Aunty Sharon when she's been on the piss."




On the pissはオーストラリアの口語的表現で"酔っぱらっている"という意味です。

49-116 Spell Crocodile
TEACHER:John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
TEACHER:No, that's wrong.
JOHN:Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

先生 :ジョン、あなたは"ワニ(crocodile)"のアルファベットをどのように綴りますか?
先生 :違うわ。それは間違っています。