|43-31 Loves vodka
Englishman has a wife and a lover, but loves the wife.
Frenchman has a wife and a lover, but loves the lover.
Jew has a wife and a lover, but loves his mother.
Russian has a wife and a lover, but loves vodka.
Many years ago in a small Russian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.
The moneylender, who was an awful, mean man, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter.
Since the farmer was unable to pay the debt, the moneylender proposed a deal.
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter.
Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.
So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.
He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag.
Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.
If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.
But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field.
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
Take a moment to ponder over the story.
Well, here is what she did . . . .
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble.
Since the remaining pebble is black, it is reasonable to assumed that she had picked the white one.
43-33 Party Members' Loyalty
The Russian went to the window, looked down and begged: "Comrade Stalin, have mercy, I have a family, children."
But Stalin had only been joking and there were nets below so the Jew was not smashed to smithereens.
|43-34 Marriage broker
In a small village in Russia, a marriage broker was trying to arrange a match between a beautiful young girl and a rich businessman.
The avarice businessman insisted; "Before I buy goods from a spinning mill, I look at swatches. So before I get married, I could do with samples, too."
The broker went to the girland said, "I've gotten a nice guy for you. He has a lot of money, but a little eccentric. He says he is such a good businessman that he wants a sample."
The girl thought for a moment, "I can't give him samples, but I can give him references."
|43-35 Two votes
In Warsaw, a dejected Communist Party candidate trudges home after the polls closed.
"So, Marek, how many votes did you get?" asks his wife.
"Two," he responds.
She slaps him hard across the face.
"What was that for?" "For having a mistress!"
|43-36 Petty officer
Place and time: Somewhere in the Soviet Union in the 1930s.
A man was standingin a very long line toward the counter of the city hall.
He talked to a city officer who was passing by the line.
"May I smoke here?"
"No, smoking is prohibited here," the officer said.
"Then why are there so many cigarette stubs on the floor?" the man asked.
"They didn't ask me if they could smoke," the officer replied annoyingly.
|43-37 Declaration of war
The headman of a small Russian village adjacent to the Russo-Sino border proclaimed war against China.
The Chinese government dispatched an envoy to the village.
The envoy said to the Russian headman, "Do you know the population of China is 1 billion? There are only 800 people in your village. It's absurd for such a tiny village to fight against the big, powerful country, China."
The headman replied, "You're right. We don't have enough space for 1 billion tombs."
|43-38 Arrest warrant
A Russian factory worker Syadov was arrested by the KGB, because he was always 10 minutes late for work.
His colleague Rabinovitz always came to the factory10 minutes earlier than the starting time.
Rabinovitz was also arrested on espionage charges by the KGB.
Another colleague Yankel always came to the factory on time, but he, too, was arrested by the KGB.
The arrest warrant of Yankel was issued for the illegal possession of a Japanese watch.
A judge went out of the court bursting his sides with laughter.
One of his colleagues asked him, "What's happened?"
"I could not but laugh, because I've just heard a very good anecdote," the judge replied.
"Oh, come on, tell me that good one."
"No, I can't. I gave a 5-year-sentence in prison to the guy who told that anecdote."
|43-40 Friendly countries
Corvinus at school in Budapest, Hungary, was asked by his teacher to name friendly countries in Europe.
He replied, "Poland, Czechoslovakia, Romania and Bulgaria."
"Not bad, but you've missed the most important on - the Soviet Union," pointed the hard-core Communist teacher.
"With all due respect, Soviet Union is not a friendly country. It's a sister country," said Corvinus.
"Why would that be?" asked the bewildered teacher.
"Because one can choose his friends, but cannot his sisters," Corvinus said.